Date: 2007-08-11 20:11 Subject: Naruto: Sex Addicts Anonymous (1/?) Security: Public Location: In my room Mood: bored Music: "Confession" by Usher Tags: naruto fanfic, sex addicts anonymous, ssa

Title: Sex Addicts Anonymous
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General
Pairing: SasuxNaru, various others
Summary: The boys of Konoha may not think they have a problem but their significant others think otherwise. So in order to get back into their good graces and more importantly back into their pants the boys must do the unthinkable, undertake counseling.
Warnings: This fic is highly suggestive and can be considered an AU. Although it is not stated the characters are above the age of 18, which is implied by the fact that they are all well established and highly ranked shinobis rather than just rookie ANBUs or jounins.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.

“Uchiha Sasuke,” the raven haired boy grumbled, crimson eyes narrowing dangerously on the bemused crowd before him, desperately fighting the sudden urge to fry all their asses. Yes, he could see it now. It would be all too so easy to lift his fingers, perform a few seals and burn them all to a crisp. Then he would be free to go home and molest his idiotic dobe however he saw fit. He twitched at the almost mocking ‘hello Uchiha Sasuke’ that was mumbled back in response. Although still inwardly seething he was somehow able to maintain his well preserved air of arrogance while giving way to the occasional scowl or glare. Fists clenched he remained on the podium, knowing he was expected to continue he suddenly crossed his arms in an act reminiscent of a petulant child and in a low voice muttered, “And I don’t have a fucking problem, the dobe’s the one with the problem.”

“Now, now Sasuke, the first step to rehabilitation is taking responsibility for one’s actions,” his silver haired sensei lazily drawled, eyes never leaving the pages of the small orange book in his hand. The words elicited a low growl from the Uchiha whose attempt at rebuke was carelessly interrupted by an all too casual remark of, “Unless of course you really do love the couch and your right hand, then feel free to blow us off.”

Kakashi smirked under his mask. Match point, he thought just a tad too gleefully. He knew it was enough to get the reluctant teen to be more agreeable but of course he couldn’t just stop there. No, he couldn’t. Not on his life. He needed to hit the Uchiha where it would hurt most. Oh yes, he was a sadist and one of his favorite pastimes was and always will be torturing his former students.

“Because that’ll be the only blowing you’ll be doing for quite some time if somehow a little birdie told Naruto about your uncooperativeness.”

Sasuke gritted his teeth. He twitched again at the soft snickers and glared at the many familiar faces before him. Although he took great satisfaction in the few shudders he managed to elicit a tic immediately appeared when most didn’t even react at all. Of course this pathetic excuse of a self help program just had to include the very same people he’d practically grown up with. Most of whom were now completely and utterly immune to his looks of death. He growled. What the hell was this world coming too when the patented Uchiha glare failed to intimidate and scare.

He grumbled under his breath, not happy at all. He suspected this whole thing was nothing more than a goddamn charade to appease their partners while giving them all a perfectly reasonable excuse to share the sordid tales of sex and debauchery with one another. The fact Kakashi (the pervert) was the presiding president and Jiraiya (the self proclaimed super pervert) was sitting in a corner with a tape recorder in his hand did very little to quell his suspicions.

“Stop with the theatrics and just get on with it Uchiha,” Shikamaru interjected irritably before falling back and murmuring “Troublesome” under his breath. “Temari will have my ass if I’m late.”

“We all had our turn. Just hurry it up so that we can go already,” Kiba snapped, his words and clear impatience being punctuated by a loud bark from his canine companion. “I need to pick up Hinata from her shift at the hospital soon.”

With his half eaten bag of barbeque chips in hand even Chouji found it necessary to stop chomping and add, “Ino’s got dinner waiting for me and if I don’t get there soon she’ll throw it away.” His eyes suddenly burned. “And if there’s one thing I can’t stand is wasting food.”

“Yosh! Sakura-chan is also counting on me and if I don’t get there on time I will do a hundred laps on my hands around Konoha,” Lee chimed in with his usual enthusiasm, pumping his fist as his eyes shone determinedly.

While the rest decided that voicing their irritation was the way to go Neji simply pinned him with a glare of his own, making sure his displeasure could clearly be seen in the pale depths of his eyes. And though no words were uttered the message was clear. If he got in trouble with Tenten then he will create some trouble of his own.

As jounins and ANBUs they were respected, feared and in some cases even worshipped. In battle they were fierce and unforgiving. They were scared of no one and nothing, at least almost no one and nothing. Despite being the most promising group of shinobis ever to be produced it was clear to see that when it came to their partners the boys of Konoha were hopelessly and completely whipped.

“Settle down boys. I know you’ll all frustrated but remember we are here to share and support,” Kakashi reminded the group of clearly disgruntled men, enjoying their current predicaments a little too much despite his own problem. The way he saw it if he had to suffer then he was going to enjoy watching them all suffer with him. He turned to Sasuke and with the narrowing of his only visible eye said, “I don’t think I need to remind you that I also have a very impatient chunin waiting who has a very low tolerance for tardiness, justified or not. So please go on Sasuke and tell us your story of woe and regret. We’re waiting.” He paused for a moment and as an afterthought added in his usual aloof manner, “Oh and don’t skimp on the details.”

Turning the now trademark Uchiha glare on the silver haired jounin as well as his so called friends Sasuke clenched his fist and muttered “pervert” under his breath as he slowly counted backwards from ten in his head. Naruto was definitely going to pay. First the dobe called him a pervert, a sex-maniac that needed help. Then when he did no more than shrug it off like the joke he was sure it was the idiot decided to outright refuse him until he sought the proper counseling for his so-called problem. Of course he didn’t relent easily. No. Where Sasuke was concerned things always had to be done the hard way. And so words were exchanged, insults sent flying and in a moment of heated anger he had used one of Naruto’s biggest insecurities and threw it right back in his face. To say he felt ever bit the bastard people always said he was would be an understatement. He felt like a complete and utter shit, especially in the face two very wide drowned blue eyes. Guilt had quickly found its way to the cold Uchiha and like a moth to the flame he played straight into Naruto’s hands. The rest, as they say, was history.

And so here he was, standing in front of the extremely annoyed and ticked off group of shinobis who were no doubt roped into attending this meeting in very much the same way he was. Oh yes, the neko maid outfit was definitely coming out of the closet and so were the handcuffs but that wasn’t nearly enough. His lips slowly curved into a small smirk. He was going to make sure Naruto never pulled a stunt like this ever again.

Although he was a lot more open about their relationship than Naruto he wasn’t one to go out bragging to the boys over drinks. Hell, he wasn’t one to go out for drinks with the boys, period. But while he was completely comfortable with the odd remark or two about their now infamous ‘sexcapades’ as the fan girls called it Naruto would instantly turn into an overripe tomato ready for the picking at the very mention of anything remotely explicit. Despite his rambunctious qualities the blond haired shinobi was incredibly shy when it came to sex. His smirk widened.

“Don’t worry Kakashi-sensei, I won’t skimp on any details,” Sasuke finally replied, breaking out into a laugh that would put the evilest of villains to shame.

The group before him felt themselves shrinking in their seats with a sudden feeling of impeding doom. This was not good.

--------

Furiously wiping at the blood dripping from his nose a certain white haired sanin stared at the departing Uchiha with newfound respect. After finally breaking out of their stupor the remaining group filed out, red-faced and quite a few just on the verge of exploding into a fountain of blood. Who would’ve guessed that underneath that cold exterior and impassive face laid the heart of a pervert so super he could even give him a run for his money. The brat sure hid it well.

It was no wonder Naruto made him attend this meeting. Out of everybody to have spoken Sasuke definitely took the cake for kinkiness, creativity and daring. He couldn’t help but be impressed. Kakashi sure has taught him well. Though to be quite honest he had a feeling it was all those years of being asexual that eventually did it and not the Copy-nin’s actual tutelage. However the fact still remained that Kakashi had succeeded where he himself, the self-proclaimed Super Pervert had failed. What he couldn’t comprehend was how they managed to failed so atrociously where Naruto was concerned. The brat had two, not one, but two of the biggest perverts in Konoha teaching him at one point or another and yet far from being a pervert the blonde, if anything, was a complete prude. With that in mind his respect for Sasuke rose tenfold. Yes, the brat had skills. And those were the skills he was more than happy to capitalize on.

Jiraiya looked down at the recorder in his hand and grinned perversely. He had more than enough to continue with the next volume of Icha Icha Paradise and more than enough for a new series. He giggled to himself as a light blush began to darken his face. Thanks to the Uchiha brat he was going to have another bestseller on his hands.