The greatest risk in life...

Meme

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 08:02:46 GMT

I was tagged by jazngurl88.

So the rules:
1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it.

1. I do everything in the last minute. Like the very second before I have to do it. It's a wonder I haven't flunked out of school yet.
2. I have a tendency to double check everything is locked before I go to sleep. If I don't I will think about it all night. I also have the tendency to do this when I leave the house and sometimes will walk back home just to check that the doors are actually locked if there is even a small sliver of doubt in my mind.
3. I am a trashy romance junkie. They are a guilty pleaser of mine.
4. Most of my friends tower over me because I am short. Like barely over 5' short.
5. I've never touched a cigarette or any kind of alcoholic drink in my whole life. Have no plans to.
6. I love, love Japanese dramas, animes and mangas.
7. I am the middle child.

I don't have enough people on my friend's list to be able to tag seven people *is sad* so I'll just tag the two I have. So I tag rushlight and cancercutegirl.

50icons Uzumaki Naruto challenge

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:40:01 GMT

I'm doing another challenge. This time an icon one from 50icons. Go check it out. Anyway, my theme for this one if Uzumaki Naruto.

+ rules
- Do not hotlink
- Comments are loved, but not necessary
- Please don't forget to credit
- If using icons on InsaneJournal credit to adorkablenerd
- If using icons on Livejournal credit to levauney
- Look at the two pictures under the table if you don not know how to credit.
+ resources
- the textures I used were made by CDG
- other textures and brushes are from colorfilter.net
- tutorials used to help create sparkling effects by rainwash
- a few bases are by lulubai at LJ.
- screen caps from Naruto Central.

01: forever	02: alone	03: hurt	04: cry	05: happiness

06: romantic	07: silly	08: beautiful	09: brave	10: gone

11: blue	12: kisses	13: mine	14: home	15: secrets

16: hold on	17: angel	18: cute	19: weird	20: sexy

21: cool	22: angry	23: evil	24: strong	25: sweet

26: artist’s choice	27: artist’s choice	28: artist’s choice	29: artist’s choice	30: artist’s choice

31: artist’s choice	32: artist’s choice	33: artist’s choice	34: artist’s choice	35: artist’s choice

36: artist’s choice	37: artist’s choice	38: artist’s choice	39: artist’s choice	40: artist’s choice

41: artist’s choice	42: artist’s choice	43: artist’s choice	44: artist’s choice	45: artist’s choice

46: artist’s choice	47: artist’s choice	48: artist’s choice	49: artist’s choice	50: artist’s choice

So dead...

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 06:09:35 GMT

Screwed. I am so screwed. It's Monday and I have an assignment due in on Wednesday that I haven't even started on yet. God, I am so dead. Especially when all I want to do right now is write and read fanfics. Draw. Watch TV. Eat. Make more icons. Anything really. Just not my homework.

Must. Stop. Procrastinating.

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 15:13:03 GMT

I was going to put this off until next week but I decided to do a few more icons. Here are another six Dynasty Warriors icons.

Teaser:

01	02	03	04

05	06	07	08

+credits
- images taken from yueying.net
- the textures I used were made by CDG
- tutorials used to help create sparkling effects by rainwash
+ rules
- Do not hotlink
- Comments are loved, but not necessary
- Please don't forget to credit
- If using icons on InsaneJournal credit to adorkablenerd

- If using icons on Livejournal credit to levauney

Fanfic: Fatherhood (2/?)

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 16:54:37 GMT

Title: Fatherhood
Rating: PG
Genre: General
Pairing: Implied manyxNaruto, eventual SasuxNaru
Summary: As the Fourth Hokage he had many duties but none more important than protecting the innoccence of his only son. Especially from the perverts, admirers and fanclub hell bent on corrupting his little Naruto.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: I really want to apologize for this crappy chapter.

Previous chapters: 1

Charming as he was when it came to diplomatic relations and especially the old windbags on the council the fourth Hokage of Konohakagure had very little patience for stuck up assholes, ignorant fools and brooding bastards completely absorbed in their own air of self-importance. So it was just his luck that the young chuunin before him just happened to be an ignorant brooding bastard with a pole permanently stuck up his ass. A view, he was proud to say, that his cute little son shared. It was just too bad the rest of the villagers were all too blind to see this. With dark midnight eyes, raven black hair and a complexion the envy of even the fairest of maidens the youngest Uchiha was definitely a sight to behold. At least that was the general consensus. Among the villagers that is. He, on the other hand, just couldn’t see it.

“What was it that you want of me Hokage-sama?”

Monotonous, void of all but a slight hint of superiority even in the face of an obvious superior, that was an Uchiha all right. But then again he could as easily be describing a Byakugan-wielding Hyuuga. Much like the other both the two clans were a proud bunch, high and mighty till the end. However, although their collective attitudes may come to sometimes irk him there wasn’t much he could begrudge either of them for. Especially since both Hiashi and Fugaku, the heads of the Hyuugas and Uchihas respectively, have always stood behind him and his decisions when it mattered most. For that and so much more he respected them both. Not only as great shinobis but also as great men. Their offspring (aka spawns of hell) on the other hand, well, now that was an entirely different story. He glared long and hard at the youngest Uchiha who, to his credit, didn’t even so much as flinch.

Clearly not pleased with what he was about to do the Hokage shifted uncomfortably in his seat and slowly replied, “I have a proposition for you. Something I’m sure would be quite beneficial for the both of us.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“In all honesty I’m not too happy about having to resort to such desperate measures but I find that I have no other choice.” The blond man paused for a moment, eyes becoming dark as he continued in an increasingly agitated tone. “I’m sure you’re well aware of all the attention being directed towards my son. Although I’m not opposed to him being loved by so many I would rather if they exercise much more restraint in their pursuit of him. We have girls hiding out in the bushes and just yesterday I found a video camera set up just outside his bedroom belonging to one of the neighboring boys. From what I could tell it had been there for quite a while. To say I wasn’t pleased would be an understatement. I was furious but a person of my stature could hardly go around threatening hapless kids without solid proof of their indiscretions and even then I can only do so much.”

Sasuke slowly nodded, remaining completely expressionless while mentally making plans to get in touch with said boy, beat the living crap out of him and confiscate all videos, for immediate disposal of course. They were certainly not going into the box filled with numerous photos of a certain blond that currently resided under his bed. No. Of course not, he thought even as a slow smirk made its way across his otherwise stony visage.

Leaning forward the Hokage linked his fingers together and in a low, almost sinister voice muttered, “And that’s where you come in.”

Ever since Sasuke could remember he had been hailed a genius, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that the man was up to something. Contrary to the overly friendly appearance and sunny disposition he knew from experience that the Yondaime Hokage was not a man to be trifled with. Nor was he a man to ever do anything without reason.

“I need your help in protecting my Naruto from the many perverts that seek to taint his innocence and I’m willing to compromise in order to make sure it happens,” the older man gritted out with the utmost of difficulty. When all he got was raised brow for all his effort he gave the brat an irritated look and crossed his arms, waiting expectantly for a response.

With a calculating look Sasuke stared at the impatient man before him. For someone who by all means should be counted in the ranks of said perverts seeking out to take Naruto’s precious innocence it was only natural for him to come to the conclusion that he was being suckered into some overly elaborate ploy designed to try and take him out of the running. Despite his wariness however he couldn’t help but be intrigued by this unexpected but not entirely unwanted offering. So rather than storming out he instead decided it was in his best interest to play his soon to be father-in-law’s (whether he liked it or not) game, wondering exactly how far the man was willing to take this, whatever this was, and how far he was going to allow him to go.

“Why me?” he finally asked in a dull monotone, not about to reveal anything to the enemy least it be used against him later.

“Because every time you and Naruto are around each other all you do is fight,” was the blunt reply. “He gets along with Neji or Gaara too well.”

Translation: he was being given this chance because the Hokage thought he didn’t have a chance in hell with Naruto.

“Since we both want the other two hell- I mean boys out of the picture I think it’s about time we call a truce,” the Hokage forced himself to continue, his brow twitching with every uttered word. It was as if it physically pained him to just say them. “What do you say?”

Sasuke merely smirked in reply.

* * *

Naruto visibly shuddered. He didn’t know why but for some odd reason he had a feeling that something very, very bad was about to happen. He paused in mid slurp and stared down at the half empty bowl of ramen in front of him with a troubled frown. After a moment he shrugged it away. As if nothing had happened he blissfully continued gulping down the rest of his meal.

It was probably just gas.

Dynasty Warriors Icons

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:23:28 GMT

I’ve been trying to find some Dynasty Warriors icons but couldn’t find any. So I decided to make a few of my own. They aren’t great but I tried. There are only six icons. I only did a few characters but if anyone wants a icon of their favorite character and he/she is not here if I don’t mind doing a few requests. Just tell me who you want in the comments.

Teaser:

01	02	03	04

05	06	07	08

DW Fanfic: Securing Loyalties (2/?)

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 03:27:16 GMT

Title: Securing Loyalties
Rating: R
Genre: Romance/General
Summary: For the future of Shu her husband gave his life and now that he is gone Yan Lian is being forced to do the same. Only in her case it isn't death that awaits her but a life of obedience as the wife of one of Liu Bei's men. The only problem is, which one? And of course let's not forget the fact that none of them are all that fond of her.
Warnings: Original character. This is the only fandom that I will ever include an original character with a major role in.
Disclaimer: Dynasty Warriors does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 2

Surrounded on either side by a string of men she knew to be some of her lord’s most trusted officers Lian slowly made her way through the lavishly decorated hall. Three months. It had been three months since that ever fateful day in the Valley of the Fallen Phoenix. Although she wasn’t quite sure what had happened she knew enough to know that the moment Fa Zheng had decided to defect Liu Zhang hadn’t stood a chance. With most of his men already fighting on the other side and a good many more soon following, their former emperor was quick to crumble beneath the sheer strength of Liu Bei’s forces. The battle was over before it had even really begun and though there were casualties there was fewer than there could’ve been. And for that she was grateful. There were losses, in times of strife there would always be some kind of loss, but in the grand scale of things they were quite minimal and in the three months that followed Shu had more than recovered.

Slowly she raised her head again and murmured, “Lord Liu Bei, Prime Minister, I apologize for the delay. I hope I did not keep either of you waiting for too long.”

“That is quite alright my lady,” was the gracious reply from the newly crowned Shu emperor. “It gave me some more time to discuss a few things with my men.”

Liu Bei exchanged a brief look with his advisor before allowing his gaze to once gain wash over the gathered group. At that instant she could have sworn she heard the beginnings of what sounded very much like alarm bells ringing in her ears. Something was going on and that something was definitely going to involve her in one way or another. Silently she waited for him to continue, only to be received with a slightly troubled frown that did naught to quell her sudden unease.

“Lady Yan, I am sure you are anxious to know why our lord has requested your presence this afternoon,” the man she had come to know as Zhuge Liang began, stepping out from behind the pensive lord. His dark eyes betrayed nothing. He regarded her thoughtfully, looking every bit like a man just about to decide his next crucial move in a challenging game of chess. Steady, calculating and absolutely unreadable. His gaze unnerved her. It made her feel as if she were a pawn about to be sacrificed in order to pave the way for an even greater move. She narrowed her eyes. Whatever this was she just knew she wasn’t going to like it.

“Over the past few months you have proven yourself invaluable to us. So much so that even one of our most prized officers owes you his very life. What’s more, you have the full trust and respect of the Shu people, especially of those residing within your family’s territories. That in itself speaks volumes for your character,” he continued and though she knew he was genuine in his praises she was also aware that there was so much more to this. She wouldn’t be called all the way to Cheng Du to meet the emperor himself just to be reaped with niceties. “With no one else of consequence to turn to the people of your lands are looking to you Lady Yan and with the imminent battles ahead we run the risk of a civil uprising while we are away if we do not ensure your loyalty.”

Lian frowned. Not believing what she was hearing. Despite her wariness regarding the new rule the last thing she wanted to do was to begin a civil revolt. As the widower of a once prominent and influential lord she wasn’t blind to all the eyes on her but she wasn’t about to risk all those lives for a cause she knew nothing about. She did not care for lands, titles or politics. She was happy for things to remain the way it was.

“I have long sworn my allegiance to Shu and as the new emperor you already have my full loyalty my lord. I have done all that you’ve asked of me. I personally tended to your troops and even rallied the townspeople together in order to help your wounded even when they were still mourning the losses of their own,” she began almost desperately, suddenly afraid of what was to come next if she did not plead her case. “That should be proof enough you have my loyalty. What more could you want from me? I have no reason to encourage any kind of strife. I am content with the way things are. I have no need for anything else.”

She turned her gaze from one man to the other in desperate search for an answer, any answer at all. For what seemed like an eternity all she could hear was the loud rapid beat of her own heart. Finally, just when she was certain she wouldn’t be able to bare another second of the silence, Liu Bei stood. “I have decided that to secure your complete and unquestionable loyalty to Shu you are to marry one of my generals.”

She completely froze at those words, clenching her fists as she forced herself to hold her tongue. She was angry, yes, but more than anything she was scared. Scared because this time there was no way she would be able to escape this fate. This time it would be a real marriage she was entering into. Suddenly panicked by the very prospect she shook her head almost frantically, eyes wide as she gasped out, “No, you can’t do this.”

“Lady Yan, I understand you are still grieving for your husband but I’m sure he would want you to be happy. Please understand that although the greater good of this kingdom will always be first and foremost in my list of priorities I honestly do think this union will be beneficial to the both of us,” Liu Bei tried to reason, eyes softening at her obvious distress.

She desperately searched the faces of those around her. There was no doubt in her mind these were the men he spoke of. They couldn’t seriously be agreeing to this.

“What of your men my lord?” she abruptly questioned, grasping onto anything and everything that could possibly get her out of this mess.

“They know where their duty lies and they are willing to-” Zhuge Liang stepped in.

“What? Sacrifice their own happiness and suffer wedding a woman who would forever detest them. For what? An ideal that may not even come to be, a man who cares for glory and not for the people he claims to serve,” she cried without thinking, not realizing her mistake until too late. The second the outburst left her mouth she felt a sharp sting to the cheek. The force of which sent her to the ground with a muted thump.

“Mouthy bitch,” growled the overgrown beast of a man that had struck her. “Show some respect to your lord.”

“Brother,” she heard Liu Bei gasp his disapproval.

She felt a touch to her arm. She flinched and tried to move away but whoever it was had other ideas. Calloused hands gently cupped her chin, lifting her face up to meet briefly with barely visible brown eyes. The same eyes she remembered seeing just before her collapse, the eyes of the man she had saved. And though she had done so thinking he was Liu Bei she could never regret doing so. Tong. She could feel the glares on her and looked around to find varying degrees of contempt on each of the faces surrounding her. She winced. It was expected but intimidating nonetheless. So much so that she found herself gripping onto the robes of what seemed like her only lifeline in a room full of angry tigers.

“Now, now children, play nice,” Pang Tong murmured as laid back as ever. “And Fei, if you touch her again I might just have to give you a whack or two with my staff.”

Zhang Fei glowered and was just about to retort when he saw his brother move. Immediately silencing any insults he had forthcoming with one look, Liu Bei got to his feet and made his way to where she stood, still clutching the slightly shorter man. Noticing her wince he gently took her hand in his and looked to her with clearly apologetic eyes. Although he was quite upset with what she said he could not find it in him to be angry. Because he understood her anger and knew it was only a front to mask her fears.

“Rest assured my lady both my strategist and I will personally make sure the man you are to marry is one of great integrity and honor. You will never suffer under his touch. Ever. You have my word Lady Yan and my word is my bond.”

Unable to find her voice Lian remained completely rooted to the spot, dark chocolate eyes troubled as she saw the resolve in his expression that was more apparent than anything else. It was then she realized there was absolutely no way she was getting out of this. Although he was trying his best to convince her she knew that in the end it didn’t matter what she thought. Whether she liked it or not this was going to happen.

When he was sure no further protests were forthcoming he announced, “My decision will be made within the month. Until then I would like to invite you to stay here in the castle and get to know some of my men a little bit better.”

“Y-yes, my lord,” she answered with great difficulty. She wasn’t in any position to argue. Her cheek still burned and it was clear these men did not care. Why would they? It wasn’t as if they had been condemned. There was every chance they wouldn’t get chosen. Too bad she didn’t have the same luxury. With a forced smiled she hesitantly added, “I... I thank you for such an honor, Lord Liu Bei, Prime Minister Zhuge. And I apologize deeply for my earlier outburst. My conduct was out of line. I hope I have not offended you too much.”

“That is quite all right my lady. I understand the position I had put you in,” he replied in all sincerity.

With a weak smile she requested, “If I may be excused, I’m still quite weary from making the trip here and would like to retire to my room now.”

“Xing, please escort Lady Yan to her room,” Liu Bei ordered, calling forth a young serving maid who dutifully bowed to him before doing as she was told.

Still more than a little shell-shocked with the sudden turn of events Lian quickly paid her parting respects, bowing to the Shu emperor before obediently following the younger girl out. The moment she was gone Fei commented snidely, “I don’t envy the man who has to deal with that piece of work, insolent wench.”

“Woo hoo, man forever in her debt still in the room,” Tong spoke up in a singsong voice, leaning heavily on his staff as he stared after her. He returned his attention to the small gathering still in the room. Most of who smartly chose to stay quiet throughout the whole ordeal. Silently he studied them one at a time. Liang, his old classmate, looked to be thoughtfully contemplating something as he continued to gently stroke his beard. Guan Yu on the other hand was frowning heavily while his adopted son appeared to be stuck between admiration and anger for the little woman. Zhao Yun and Ma Chao however had no such trouble. The two generals seemed quite set in their feelings. They were still incensed by her earlier jab at their lord, both seeming to have taken personal offense to what she’d said. As for Fei, well, his previous statement said it all. The man was just as quick tempered as ever, especially when it came to his two sworn brothers. Tong sighed to himself. The little lady sure as hell knew how to make an impression. Too bad it was the wrong one. He smiled under his mask and in a light voice said, “Well that went well. Any takers?”

When a stony silence came as the only response to his question Pang Tong sighed. For the sake of for both of them, hers and whoever her groom may be, that this will soon come to change.

DW Fanfic: Securing Loyalties (1/?)

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 02:41:15 GMT

Title: Securing Loyalties
Rating: R
Genre: Romance/General
Summary: For the future of Shu her husband gave his life and now that he is gone Yan Lian is being forced to do the same. Only in her case it isn't death that awaits her but a life of obedience as the wife of one of Liu Bei's men. The only problem is, which one? And of course let's not forget the fact that none of them are all that fond of her.
Warnings: Original character. This is the only fandom that I will ever include an original character with a major role in.
Disclaimer: Dynasty Warriors does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: I found this on my computer. I don't really remember where I was going with this but I'm pretty sure I wrote it in response to one of the challenges that had been posted. Zhang Song and Fa Zheng are actual characters and Fa Zheng's style name is Xiaozhi. They both conspired against Liu Zhang. However Zhang Song was discovered and was executed along with his family. Fa Zheng actually lives on to see Liu Bei take Shu and becomes one of his men. I've taken some liberties in this story in regards to these two characters so it's not 100% historically correct, so please keep that in mind.

Chapter 1

Blood, there was so much blood everywhere. Nothing in her whole entire life could ever begin to prepare Yan Lian for the sight before her. A sob caught in her throat as the arms that held her back finally loosened enough to allow her release. The moment she was free she immediately fell to her knees, crying helplessly in her distress. Her stomach turned. She felt as if she was going to be sick. There, before her, sprawled across the dirt crusted floor in a rapidly growing pool of blood, was her husband. Zhang Song. A man she owed everything to. Her whole body trembled as she crawled over to the lifeless figure beside her and reached out. Ignoring the deep crimson that seeped into her clothes she gently touched his hand. Warm. He was still warm. On the verge of hysteria she began tugging on him, crying out his name again and again as she tried her hardest not to lose it completely.

“Throw her in the prisons,” Liu Zhang ordered, much to the consternation of his surrounding officers.

“But my lord-”

“You dare question me,” he thundered angrily, slamming his fist as he shot up to glare fiercely down at all those who dare speak out against him. Although usually he wasn’t so stringent with his men tough times called for tough measures and he needed to do what was necessary to make sure another instance such as this doesn’t occur. If he didn’t have their loyalty then at least he would have their fear. “Do it now!”

With the utmost reluctance Fa Zheng moved towards the grief-stricken woman. He extended a hand down and softly implored, “Please Lady Yan, you have to come with me.”

Through tear filled eyes Lian looked up at her husband’s friend, the same one who had conspired with him in this whole thing, the one who was still alive while he was not. She wanted to hate him so much but she couldn’t. Song knew exactly what he was doing. He knew the risks and he did it anyway. He betrayed their lord and now they were both paying for his treason. Gently taking the hand offered she wiped her eyes and shakily forced herself up to her feet.

Annoyed Liu Zhang muttered, “Someone take her now before I throw you all in the prisons.”

Zheng lowered his arm and was just about to lead her out when he saw two of the lower ranked officers coming forth. His grip tightened considerably on the spear he held. Before they could even come close he pushed her behind him and in one graceful movement swung the head of his spear around to effectively halt them in their steps by the point of his blade. In a low voice he growled, “I will follow your orders but until you have adequate proof of her involvement I refuse to treat her with anything less than the respect befitting one of her station. And anyone who dares to do otherwise dies by my blade. Do I make myself clear?”

At that he lowered his spear again, leveling the room with a fierce glare to accentuate his point before leading the clearly shaken woman down to the prisons. Save for the occasional sob the entire walk was one made in complete silence. No matter how much he longed to Zheng knew she needed the peace. It was only when he found himself on the outside of the locked bars with the younger woman he’d come to admire on the other side did he finally find his voice again.

“Lord Liu Bei is going to be launching his attack tomorrow,” he told her in a hushed whisper. “While the troops are busy with preparations I’m going to send someone down to free you, a boy named Guo Yu. You will be led to the north gate and from there I want you to head pass the Valley of the Fallen Phoenix and around the forest. Just beyond it, in the southeast you will find Liu Bei’s army. Tell him what has happened. He won’t hesitate to offer you asylum in his camp. If he is every bit the man I know him to be he will not turn you away.”

“Why? Why Xiaozhi, why would I want to run to the man responsible for Song’s death. How could you even continue this after what’s happened?” she choked out, gripping the cold metal bars between them tightly as the tears continued to stream down her flushed cheeks. “Why are you doing this? Why did you let them kill him? Why?”

Zheng leaned forward, eyes remaining firmly fixed on the stone ground below as he softly answered her, “Shu needs a capable ruler if we are to prosper. Meng Da, your husband and I, we believe Lord Liu Bei to be this person. He is a fair man Lian, one who is generous and strong. If you do not believe me, then believe those who fight with him, those who would willingly give their lives for him. His men are more than just his subjects they are his people, his friends.” He paused to give her an imploring look. “I know you are not blind. I know you can see the state of our country, our people. We need a new direction. Liu Zhang isn’t what’s best for Shu anymore. Please understand Yan Lian, we are doing this for our country. If Song didn’t believe in Lord Liu Bei, in what we were doing he wouldn’t have risked so much. He certainly wouldn’t have risked you.”

He gently touched her cheek to wipe away the tears that still fell, relieved to see that she did not move away from his touch. She was still mad but she didn’t hate him and for that he was grateful. Ever since she married Song he had come to think of her as a sister and after losing one of his dearest friends the last thing he wanted was to lose her too.

“Whether Lord Liu Bei succeeds or fail I want you to remain with his army. I hear that there are women who travel and fight with him. You’ll be safe there. Please promise me you will do as I say. Song will never forgive me if anything were to happen to you. I will never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you.” Lian closed her eyes and silently nodded. She then her own hand over his and tilted her head up to stare into his tortured brown gaze. “I promise Xiaozhi. Just make sure you make it out of this alive also.”

“I will,” he promised. With a gentle smile he reluctantly pulled away. Although he hated the very thought of leaving her in such a place he knew he had too. Liu Zhang needed to be placated for the time being, least he tried for something more drastic, like her execution. With sorrowful eyes he gave her hand one last gentle squeeze before finally letting go.

She gripped onto the bars as she watched him leave. Silently she wondered how exactly it all went so wrong. Although she had been far from living the ideal life she was happy. Her marriage may have been a farce but she did care for Song. He allowed her the freedom society would otherwise see fit to deny her, the freedom to pursue her dreams and seek the knowledge she had always craved. Without him there was no doubt in her mind life would’ve been very different. She had heard all the horror stories. Known of girls whose husbands abused and hurt them. And despite having been taught a thing or two personally by Zheng on how to defend herself she was still barely even able to hold her own against a lowly private. Her talents lay in the art of healing, not fighting.

She sunk down to the hay scattered floor, feeling both emotionally and physically drained. She just wanted the day to end. She just wanted to wake up and find out that this was all just a dream, to find herself back in her own bed, to find Song still alive and well by her side.

“Please let me wake up,” she whispered brokenly to herself, curling up into a fetal position as she lay down upon the straw matted cell. She forced her eyes to close and in the silence of the night cried herself to sleep.

* * *

“Lady Yan,” came an urgent call that was quickly followed by a frantic tug to her arm.

Opening her eyes Lian slowly sat up. Confused she blinked rapidly as she took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Far from the lavish comfort of her room she had awoken to find herself trapped in the prison cell she vaguely remembered falling asleep in. The only difference was that it was no longer locked and she was no longer alone. It was then that it finally came back to her, being branded a traitor, her husband’s death. She let out a shaky breath, trying her hardest to hold her emotions at bay. When she was certain another breakdown wasn’t imminent she looked to the stranger beside her and frowned. Suddenly becoming aware of her precarious situation she quickly backed away from the intruder, ready to defend herself if need be.

“Lady Yan please, we must get going. If we do not hurry you will not be able to make it to the forest without getting caught in the crossfire,” the teen before her blurted out, eyes darting about the place in clear anxiety as he took a hold of her hand.

Although she remembered Zheng’s instructions she remained cautious. “Who are you?”

“Guo Yu, a loyal officer of General Fa Zheng,” he answered immeidately. “Please my lady we must hurry. We have already wasted too much time as it is.”

Hearing the clear urgency in the boy’s voice she nodded her consent before hastily rising to her feet. Without another word she followed him down the familiar hallways and towards the north gate, just as Zheng had told her. Apart from the few stragglers they ran into hardly any trouble and it wasn’t long before they made it out.

The moment they were free of the castle gates Yu led her towards the surrounding shrubbery where a single horse, her horse Midnight, was already ready and waiting for her. With practiced ease she mounted the black stallion, quickly thanking the teen for his help before taking off, knowing she must make the trip alone. At a steady pace she followed the familiar path, keeping to the cover of the trees as she made her way towards the Valley of the Fallen Phoenix.

It wasn’t long before the unmistakable cries of battle sounded. Abruptly she pulled on the reigns, bringing her horse to a sudden halt as she stared off into the distance, to where she knew many of the men she’d come to know as friends were fighting for their lives. She tightened her grip on the reigns, torn between going back and helping treat the injured and continuing on to the camp as promised. Before she could make a decision however she heard something off in the distance. Deciding it better to be safe than sorry Lian dismounted, falling to the ground in a low crouch just as the echo of an approaching march froze her to the spot in fear.

“Surround the Valley of the Fallen Phoenix and shoot down anyone who tries to pass from the East,” she heard a deep voice order. “And remember Liu Bei rides upon a white horse. It is more than likely he will cross this way. The battle is won if we are able to strike down the enemy commander. Go take your post. Secure the north gate at all costs.”

“Yes sir,” responded a chorus of what must’ve been over fifty men.

A thunder of footsteps immediately reached her ears, signaling the unit’s departure. Once she was sure they were gone she climbed back onto Midnight with a troubled frown. If they take down Liu Bei then Liu Zhang would win. Her husband’s death would be for naught and Fa Zheng would no doubt be exposed as a conspirator. He would be executed just as Song was. She couldn’t let that happen. Not again. She may not understand why it was so important this so-called man of justice should rule Shu but there was one thing she did know. If he were to lose, then she too will lose. She would lose all that she held dear. She had already lost a husband. She could not stand to lose a brother also. She had to stop this. She had to do something.

“I have to warn them about the ambush,” she murmured to herself.

With her mind made up she gave a sharp kick to her steed’s side. Kicking its front legs up with a loud cry the black-haired horse rushed forward, heading into the valley at full speed. Even with the head start she knew that she could outrun the ambush parties. She just hoped they weren’t planning on positioning themselves anywhere near or else there would be no way she would be able to pass.

As she rode the ominous rise of hills on either side cast a shadow over her. She felt a sudden chill run down her spine but continued anyway. It was then she saw them. In the distance she spotted what looked like specks of green with a larger white speck leading the march. A white horse, it must be Liu Bei. In a futile attempt to gain their attention she threw a hand in the air, pointing to the surrounding hills as she yelled at the top of her lungs, “Ambush. Turn back.”

Determined more than ever to relay her message she gave her horse another firm kick, propelling them both forward even faster. For a split second she thought she heard something from above. It almost sounded like someone calling out. Before she could even begin to digest what it was she felt something lodge itself deep in her right shoulder. A sharp pain shot through her entire body, nearly dislodging her off her horse with just the sheer intensity. It was then that another something whizzed by, this time slicing open the tender flesh of her cheek. She held on tightly, forcing the pain away as she desperately fought to remain astride, more than relieved she had yet to fall off. For that would certainly be a death sentence. She knew at that moment the only reason she was still alive was because the ambush party hadn’t expected anyone to come from the west. Unsure whether she was friend or foe the ambush unit must’ve hesitated. And it was this indecision that had saved her life.

“Please, please Midnight, keep going,” she chanted under her breath, squeezing her eyes shut as she silently willed her steed to keep on going.

After a moment she finally forced them opened again, only to find her vision blurred by tears. She had no idea how long her horse kept up his grueling pace but she was mildly aware of him slowing down. It only barely registered in her mind that the barrage of arrows had also stopped. She was conscious but very much unconscious of everything around her. All she knew was that she must’ve escaped the range of the ambush unit because another hit had yet to meet its marks. Looking ahead she saw the green blurs coming towards her. Or was she heading towards them? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that they were getting closer. Adrenalin now gone she felt all the energy zap right out of her. The pain also decided to return full force. Suddenly light headed she released her grasp on the reigns and for a second she was sure she was flying. Completely weightless, she felt like a feather, just falling further and further, floating upon the wind. She closed her eyes, awaiting the impact that was never to come. Instead a warm body softened the fall, catching her just before she hit the ground.

“Why hello there little miss,” a soft voice mumbled.

Lian looked up to find herself faced with a pair of furrowed brown eyes, the only feature that was visible from behind the straw hat and mask the man looking down on her wore. She felt her vision began to darken as the world slowly disappeared from around her. Barely coherent she murmured, “Lord... Liu Bei... ambush... valley...” That said her eyes rolled into the back of her head and with a low groan her whole body slumped in the stranger’s arms as she fell into a dead faint.

50harlequins Uzumaki Naruto challenge

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 04:30:02 GMT

I stumbled upon this new challenge where the prompts are cliche situations from trashy romance books and I just couldn't help myself. Since I love Naruto and Harlequin books are a guilty pleasure of mine I decided to give this a go and see what I come up with. This is from the 50harlequins asylum. My chosen table, since I decided to do only 10 instead of all 50, can be found beneath the cut.

01. Pirate King and Captive	08. Vampire and Human
10. Boss and Employee	13. Rich Lord and a Poor Orphan trying to save his Home or Family
27. Bachelor Auction	30. Mistaken Identity
37. Willing to do Anything for Money	38. Secret Royalty
44. Prince and Bodyguard	47. Indecent Proposal

Naruto: Sex Addicts Anonymous (1/?)

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 10:23:01 GMT

Title: Sex Addicts Anonymous
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General
Pairing: SasuxNaru, various others
Summary: The boys of Konoha may not think they have a problem but their significant others think otherwise. So in order to get back into their good graces and more importantly back into their pants the boys must do the unthinkable, undertake counseling.
Warnings: This fic is highly suggestive and can be considered an AU. Although it is not stated the characters are above the age of 18, which is implied by the fact that they are all well established and highly ranked shinobis rather than just rookie ANBUs or jounins.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.

“Uchiha Sasuke,” the raven haired boy grumbled, crimson eyes narrowing dangerously on the bemused crowd before him, desperately fighting the sudden urge to fry all their asses. Yes, he could see it now. It would be all too so easy to lift his fingers, perform a few seals and burn them all to a crisp. Then he would be free to go home and molest his idiotic dobe however he saw fit. He twitched at the almost mocking ‘hello Uchiha Sasuke’ that was mumbled back in response. Although still inwardly seething he was somehow able to maintain his well preserved air of arrogance while giving way to the occasional scowl or glare. Fists clenched he remained on the podium, knowing he was expected to continue he suddenly crossed his arms in an act reminiscent of a petulant child and in a low voice muttered, “And I don’t have a fucking problem, the dobe’s the one with the problem.”

“Now, now Sasuke, the first step to rehabilitation is taking responsibility for one’s actions,” his silver haired sensei lazily drawled, eyes never leaving the pages of the small orange book in his hand. The words elicited a low growl from the Uchiha whose attempt at rebuke was carelessly interrupted by an all too casual remark of, “Unless of course you really do love the couch and your right hand, then feel free to blow us off.”

Kakashi smirked under his mask. Match point, he thought just a tad too gleefully. He knew it was enough to get the reluctant teen to be more agreeable but of course he couldn’t just stop there. No, he couldn’t. Not on his life. He needed to hit the Uchiha where it would hurt most. Oh yes, he was a sadist and one of his favorite pastimes was and always will be torturing his former students.

“Because that’ll be the only blowing you’ll be doing for quite some time if somehow a little birdie told Naruto about your uncooperativeness.”

Sasuke gritted his teeth. He twitched again at the soft snickers and glared at the many familiar faces before him. Although he took great satisfaction in the few shudders he managed to elicit a tic immediately appeared when most didn’t even react at all. Of course this pathetic excuse of a self help program just had to include the very same people he’d practically grown up with. Most of whom were now completely and utterly immune to his looks of death. He growled. What the hell was this world coming too when the patented Uchiha glare failed to intimidate and scare.

He grumbled under his breath, not happy at all. He suspected this whole thing was nothing more than a goddamn charade to appease their partners while giving them all a perfectly reasonable excuse to share the sordid tales of sex and debauchery with one another. The fact Kakashi (the pervert) was the presiding president and Jiraiya (the self proclaimed super pervert) was sitting in a corner with a tape recorder in his hand did very little to quell his suspicions.

“Stop with the theatrics and just get on with it Uchiha,” Shikamaru interjected irritably before falling back and murmuring “Troublesome” under his breath. “Temari will have my ass if I’m late.”

“We all had our turn. Just hurry it up so that we can go already,” Kiba snapped, his words and clear impatience being punctuated by a loud bark from his canine companion. “I need to pick up Hinata from her shift at the hospital soon.”

With his half eaten bag of barbeque chips in hand even Chouji found it necessary to stop chomping and add, “Ino’s got dinner waiting for me and if I don’t get there soon she’ll throw it away.” His eyes suddenly burned. “And if there’s one thing I can’t stand is wasting food.”

“Yosh! Sakura-chan is also counting on me and if I don’t get there on time I will do a hundred laps on my hands around Konoha,” Lee chimed in with his usual enthusiasm, pumping his fist as his eyes shone determinedly.

While the rest decided that voicing their irritation was the way to go Neji simply pinned him with a glare of his own, making sure his displeasure could clearly be seen in the pale depths of his eyes. And though no words were uttered the message was clear. If he got in trouble with Tenten then he will create some trouble of his own.

As jounins and ANBUs they were respected, feared and in some cases even worshipped. In battle they were fierce and unforgiving. They were scared of no one and nothing, at least almost no one and nothing. Despite being the most promising group of shinobis ever to be produced it was clear to see that when it came to their partners the boys of Konoha were hopelessly and completely whipped.

“Settle down boys. I know you’ll all frustrated but remember we are here to share and support,” Kakashi reminded the group of clearly disgruntled men, enjoying their current predicaments a little too much despite his own problem. The way he saw it if he had to suffer then he was going to enjoy watching them all suffer with him. He turned to Sasuke and with the narrowing of his only visible eye said, “I don’t think I need to remind you that I also have a very impatient chunin waiting who has a very low tolerance for tardiness, justified or not. So please go on Sasuke and tell us your story of woe and regret. We’re waiting.” He paused for a moment and as an afterthought added in his usual aloof manner, “Oh and don’t skimp on the details.”

Turning the now trademark Uchiha glare on the silver haired jounin as well as his so called friends Sasuke clenched his fist and muttered “pervert” under his breath as he slowly counted backwards from ten in his head. Naruto was definitely going to pay. First the dobe called him a pervert, a sex-maniac that needed help. Then when he did no more than shrug it off like the joke he was sure it was the idiot decided to outright refuse him until he sought the proper counseling for his so-called problem. Of course he didn’t relent easily. No. Where Sasuke was concerned things always had to be done the hard way. And so words were exchanged, insults sent flying and in a moment of heated anger he had used one of Naruto’s biggest insecurities and threw it right back in his face. To say he felt ever bit the bastard people always said he was would be an understatement. He felt like a complete and utter shit, especially in the face two very wide drowned blue eyes. Guilt had quickly found its way to the cold Uchiha and like a moth to the flame he played straight into Naruto’s hands. The rest, as they say, was history.

And so here he was, standing in front of the extremely annoyed and ticked off group of shinobis who were no doubt roped into attending this meeting in very much the same way he was. Oh yes, the neko maid outfit was definitely coming out of the closet and so were the handcuffs but that wasn’t nearly enough. His lips slowly curved into a small smirk. He was going to make sure Naruto never pulled a stunt like this ever again.

Although he was a lot more open about their relationship than Naruto he wasn’t one to go out bragging to the boys over drinks. Hell, he wasn’t one to go out for drinks with the boys, period. But while he was completely comfortable with the odd remark or two about their now infamous ‘sexcapades’ as the fan girls called it Naruto would instantly turn into an overripe tomato ready for the picking at the very mention of anything remotely explicit. Despite his rambunctious qualities the blond haired shinobi was incredibly shy when it came to sex. His smirk widened.

“Don’t worry Kakashi-sensei, I won’t skimp on any details,” Sasuke finally replied, breaking out into a laugh that would put the evilest of villains to shame.

The group before him felt themselves shrinking in their seats with a sudden feeling of impeding doom. This was not good.

--------

Furiously wiping at the blood dripping from his nose a certain white haired sanin stared at the departing Uchiha with newfound respect. After finally breaking out of their stupor the remaining group filed out, red-faced and quite a few just on the verge of exploding into a fountain of blood. Who would’ve guessed that underneath that cold exterior and impassive face laid the heart of a pervert so super he could even give him a run for his money. The brat sure hid it well.

It was no wonder Naruto made him attend this meeting. Out of everybody to have spoken Sasuke definitely took the cake for kinkiness, creativity and daring. He couldn’t help but be impressed. Kakashi sure has taught him well. Though to be quite honest he had a feeling it was all those years of being asexual that eventually did it and not the Copy-nin’s actual tutelage. However the fact still remained that Kakashi had succeeded where he himself, the self-proclaimed Super Pervert had failed. What he couldn’t comprehend was how they managed to failed so atrociously where Naruto was concerned. The brat had two, not one, but two of the biggest perverts in Konoha teaching him at one point or another and yet far from being a pervert the blonde, if anything, was a complete prude. With that in mind his respect for Sasuke rose tenfold. Yes, the brat had skills. And those were the skills he was more than happy to capitalize on.

Jiraiya looked down at the recorder in his hand and grinned perversely. He had more than enough to continue with the next volume of Icha Icha Paradise and more than enough for a new series. He giggled to himself as a light blush began to darken his face. Thanks to the Uchiha brat he was going to have another bestseller on his hands.

Naruto: Irresistibly Stupid (1/?)

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 09:14:07 GMT

Title: Irresistibly Stupid
Rating: PG
Genre: General
Pairing: Practically everyonexNaruto, not sure of the eventual outcome yet.
Summary: In order to keep the kyubi’s true fate a secret after the sealing Naruto was given to Jiraiya who with the help of his old teammate raised the blonde into the overconfident ramen-loving loudmouth he was born to be. Only one problem, why’s he dressed like a girl?
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: I know there are many Naruto was raised by Jiraiya, Tsunade or both fics out there but I decided to try my hand at one anyway. I think I have a thing for making Naruto dress like a girl because this is the second fic I’m going to do it in. For anyone who’s read my other fics I just wanted to say that I’m not sure whether or not I will continue writing Fatherhood but I will try my best to update To Win A Prince’s Heart. I have it half written but have been having a hard time finishing it. I hope you enjoy this and please excuse any grammatical or spelling mistakes. I don’t have a beta and haven’t had time to read over this again.

‘Blah’ thoughts.

“Blah” speech.

Blah flashbacks.

* * *

Hate, no matter how unjustified was a powerful emotion. It could turn the most reasonable of men, the most loyal of soldiers into the very monsters they’d sworn to kill, monsters that wouldn’t have a single qualm about taking the life of a child. No matter how innocent or blameless that child may be. As the Third Hokage he wanted to believe in his people, in their integrity and kindness but as his eyes wandered over the devastation, the hate still ever present even now in the face of a seemingly defeated enemy, he felt all his beliefs and faith beginning to crumble.

“Forgive me old friend. With the way things are he will only suffer the hate of a village if I were to reveal to them the burden he now carries,” Sarutobi murmured sadly. It killed him to admit it but he knew it to be true. He could still see the anger in their eyes. The need to lash out even when there was nothing to lash out at. Fuelled by the lost of their loved ones and the destruction of all they hold dear there was telling what the villagers were capable of and the last thing he wanted was to have all that rage be directed towards Yondaime’s legacy. The man had sacrificed enough. There was no way he was going to allow his only son to continuing sacrificing for him as well, even if it meant going against a dying man’s wish he was going to ensure the happiness and safety of the Fourth’s child.

Sarutobi looked down at the sniffling infant in his arms. If his parents were any indication Uzumaki Naruto was going to be destined for great things. He will one day be hailed a hero, just like his father wanted, but not now. No. What he needed now was to be loved and cared for. He deserved that much, if not more.

“Is that him?” a familiar voice uttered shakily, devoid of the usual boastful quality he was so use to hearing.

With a soft smile Sarutobi turned. He moved the blanket away, revealing the golden haired, blue eyed child to the unusually somber gaze of the white haired sannin. He took a step forward and watched as the man he once taught reached out a trembling hand to touch the lightly scarred cheeks of the happily gurgling baby.

“The brat certainly takes after his father,” Jiraiya softly murmured, the corner of his lips tipping up in a small smile as tinny hands took hold of his index finger and introduced it to a gummy mouth. His face scrunched up in slight distaste. He was just about to reclaim the use of his hand when he was suddenly attacked by a very familiar sight. Big blue eyes stared up at him, the beginnings of what looked like tears gathering in the corners of those wide cerulean orbs as small lips twitched in a noticeable tremble. With a defeated sigh he surrendered his hand over to the drool monster otherwise known as Uzumaki Naruto. “Not even a week old and already he has me wrapped around his little fingers. He’s his mother’s son after all.”

His smile slowly faded as he remembered why he was here. He narrowed his eyes and turned to the Sandaime.

“Why did you call me? I already told you I don’t want the position.”

At that the Third let out a sigh. “That’s not why I called you Jiraiya. I’ve already been reinstated as the acting Hokage. There’s no need for another, at least not yet.”

“Then why the summons old man, you interrupted my research,” was the grumbling reply.

“I need to ask a favor of you,” Sarutobi began, looking carefully to his former student for a moment before finally taking a deep breath. “It seems that the secret of the Kyubi’s true fate isn’t as secret as we all hoped it would be. You know as well as I do that the demon’s sudden appearance was anything but coincidental. Someone summoned it in order to create a decoy.”

At that Jiraiya growled. His fists clenching as he practically spat out the name, “Orochimaru.”

“With the chaos all around he was able to slip in but because of my presence he was unable to retrieve whatever it was he sought. However, I’m afraid he saw something he shouldn’t have. He saw Yondaime’s seal. There is no doubt in my mind he worked out what really happened. He’s too smart to be fooled by what everybody else was so quick to believe. That Yondaime killed the Kyubi.” He unconsciously tightened his hold on the precious bundle in his arms. “I’m sure you’re more than aware Orochimaru is currently associated with Akatsuki. I know you’ve heard the rumors about their interests in the Biju and if it’s true then Naruto needs more than just someone to look after him, he needs protection and having ANBUs stationed around him all the time will cause too many questions to arise.” He paused for a moment. “He can’t be protected forever. He needs someone to teach and guide him so that when the time comes he can protect himself and those precious to him.”

Jiraiya found his eyes once again falling to meet the fathomless blue of the barely week old infant. Still holding the old sannin’s fingers Naruto waved his arms with a burst of gibberish that instantly brought a smile to his face. The kid was just too cute for his own good. He let out another defeated sigh and cocking his head to one side rubbed his chin silently in thought. Then with a somewhat approving nod he voiced exactly what was on his mind aloud, “I supposed I can take the brat. He’ll be a definite hit with the ladies. Hehe, I may not even have to revert to peeping for research anymore.”

Sarutobi fought the urge to twitch. Sure he didn’t like the reasoning but he didn’t have a choice. Right now he was just happy to know that the child would be safe.

“Of course I will cover all the costs associated with Naruto’s care,” he informed with a nod. “I’ve already gone to the liberty of purchasing everything that he may need for the journey ahead, save for clothes. Am I right in assuming that you’ll be leaving Konoha today?”

Breaking out of his perverted daydreams with a soft giggle Jiraiya nodded, a light blush still dusting his cheeks as he replied, “I had plans to head west but with this unexpected development I think I may follow a lead and instead make my way north.”

“And why is that?” Sarutobi asked, furrowing his brows.

Jiraiya grinned and simply replied, “I heard that there was a slug in town.”

------

“Who in their right mind would give you a baby?” a blonde haired woman hollered, her gaze flickering between the infant in Shizune’s lap and the slightly flushed pervert gulping down yet another round of sake with oblivious incredibility. Silently she couldn’t help but wonder if he didn’t just pick up the kid somewhere and decided he’d make a good traveling companion because there was no way, no way in all nine hells anyone would give him a baby. Her fist tightened, a tic appearing on her forehead as she remembered exactly how she’d found them or to be more precise, how they found her. If it weren’t for the small head that suddenly peeked out from his rucksack the old pervert would be recovering from more than just a mere bump to the head. Bringing her own cup to her lips she muttered under her breath, “That geezer must be going senile in his old age.”

“Hey we’ve been traveling for three days and we’re both still alive,” Jiraiya was quick to defend.

Not at all impressed Tsunade shot him a dirty look. She then gently took the golden haired munchkin from her apprentice and holding him up leaned down to peer closely at the little brat. Blue eyes filled with the utmost curiosity stared owlishly back. With an excited cry a set of tiny hands gripped her hair and tugging her down released one hand to gently tap the small purple diamond on her forehead before erupting into a bout of babyish giggles. He repeated the process again and again as if it were the most amusing thing in the world. Not sure whether to start yelling at the giggling kid or coo at the absolutely adorable display Tsunade could only blink and blink and blink again.

“Isn’t she just precious Tsunade-sama,” Shizune gushed, giving the tuft of blonde hair a gentle pat that caused the glimmering blue eyes to stop their perusal of the voluptuous sannin and return to the dark haired apprentice currently vying for his attention. Clapping her hands together she continued to coo, “Who’s a cute baby? You are. Yes you are. Yes you are Naru-chan.”

At that Jiraiya gave the pair a somewhat sheepish look. Cheeks still infused with an alcohol induced flush he informed them with a slight slur, “Actually it’s Naruto-kun, she’s a he.”

Mouth slightly agape both women took in the tiny form in a very puffy and bright orange dress before them. Lifting up the skirt Shizune pulled open the thick diaper and looked down. Eyes wide she turned to her teacher, nodding mutely. For a long moment there was nothing but silence. Being the first to recover Tsunade immediately shot her old teammate a deadly glare and fuming roared, “Is this your idea of a joke you sick pervert.”

“I’m not a sick pervert. I’m a super pervert,” was his immediate response, one that earned him a hard knock to the head and a wave of killing intent strong enough to make any man quake in his boots. He rubbed the forming bump on his head and picking himself off the floor yelled, “Why the hell did you do that for you old bag.”

Carefully handing Naruto over to Shizune the voluptuous blonde climbed out of the booth and rolling her sleeves up sent another punch to the white haired sannin’s head, not at all worried about doing him any permanent damage since she suspected he was brain dead already. It was the only way she could account for his continued stupidity. When she was finally satisfied he had sufficiently learnt his lesson, whatever that may be, Tsunade grumbled under her breath about ‘perverts’ and ‘geezers’ as she settled back down by Shizune and the excitable Naruto who swung his arms around as if to mimic the movements of her punches.

“Dammit, it isn’t even my fault he’s dressed like that,” Jiraiya muttered with something very near a pout when he finally got up to sink right back down in his seat.

“What? You telling me he picked his own clothes,” the blonde remarked with a disbelieving snort. At the absolutely serious expression on the pervert’s face she frowned and leaned forward. With a raised brow she waved a hand and simply said, “Okay, explain.”

“Damn hag, beat me then decides to ask for explanations,” he mumbled irritably, crossing his arms with a scowl.

“What was that Jiraiya?” Tsunade questioned. A warning in her voice as her eyes glittered dangerously.

“N-nothing,” he spluttered out, waving both hands in front of him quickly. He sweated under the intense killing intent directed his way. Hoping to distract her from pounding his head in yet again he let out a loud cough and asked, “So you want to hear what happened or not?”

“Fine, fine, go ahead and it better be good,” she flippantly murmured.

“Well, you see...”

Jiraiya cautiously stepped into the store, looking completely out of place in amongst the pink and blue of the many doll like outfit hung all over the place. He carefully removed his rucksack to hold the little boy within to his chest as he glanced about, face scrunched up in distaste at the array of clothing he found. From tiny sailor suits, to a furry bunny coverall it seemed they had everything, everything that is but normal baby clothes.

“What a cute child,” a pretty young sales girl gushed, approaching the pair with a somewhat flirtatious smile directed towards the older gentleman. “He can’t be yours can he? A strapping young man such as you can’t already be a father.”

‘I knew the brat will come in handy,’ Jiraiya thought with a decidedly perverted smirk. “Of course not, this little one belongs to an old friend of mine. I’m just looking after him until something more permanent can be arranged.”

“Oh, I should’ve guessed,” she giggled before finally introducing herself to him as ‘Akako’ and then seeing her chance continued with an overly chirpy, “Do you need any help? I’ll be more than happy to offer my services. It’ll be my pleasure.”

“How can I refuse such a lovely young lady,” he replied with a grin.

“Great,” she all but cackled, eyes practically lighting up with dollar signs as she tugged them both towards the more expensive section of the store, all the while listing off everything he’ll need or at least everything she was determined to make him need.

Though Jiraiya was move than willing to go where ever the pretty girl may lead it seemed that his charge had other plans. Feeling a slight resistance to the tug of the lovely Akako he looked down to the tuft of blonde hair to find stubby arms attached to something frilly and orange. With a steady hold on Naruto he began to tug the kid away, hoping he would let go. But he never did. Instead he ripped the blinding monstrosity right off the rack and hugged it tightly to his chest.

“Is something wrong?” the girl asked, somewhat annoyed.

Jiraiya frowned. This was not good, not good at all. There was no way he was going to allow any student of his, or in this case the son of any student of his to wear girl’s clothes. Of course what he didn’t know was that it wasn’t the dress Naruto wanted. It was only the color.

“Bad, Naruto, bad. Put that back so that we can follow the pretty girl to get you some proper clothes,” he softly chided, only to receive an unhappy cry in return. Supporting the infant against him with one hand he went about prying the outfit from his tiny hands with the other, only to be yet again met with firm resistance. After about ten minutes of struggling he let out a triumph grin, finally succeeding in taking the dress away. Although he won the battle the war was far from over. It seemed the kid had a secret weapon. Before he even had the chance to bask in the glory of his win there was sudden and very loud assault on his eardrums.

“WAHHHHHHHH!” came the unbelievably loud wail.

He began rocking the bundle, desperately reaching out and handing the kid any other outfit to replace the one he’d just confiscated but it was no use. Finally admitting defeat he handed the orange monstrosity back to the little boy who instantly ceased his wailing in order to tightly grip the newly acquired outfit in his chubby hands. With a toothless grin the brat looked up at him and began pounding both his arms against his tunic, the dress in his hands as the wide blue eyes seemed to request something of him. Upon realizing exactly what it was Jiraiya felt himself twitch as he grumbled, “Oh hell no.”

“So let me get this straight,” Tsunade began, the tic on her forehead getting even worst as she tightened her grasp on the cup in her hand. “He is dressed like this because you were too busy flirting with the sales girl to take notice of the baby, the one you were supposed to be looking after might I add, make a grab for this dress.” She paused, breathing heavily. “Three days Jiraiya, he has been in your care for only three goddamn days and already he’s turned into a cross dresser.” The cup shattered in her strangling hold. “You irresponsible goddamn perverted son of a-”

“Tsunade-sama,” Shizune immediately interrupted, eyes widening as she went to cover Naruto’s ears. “Not in front of Naru-chan.”

“You got to admit though, he does make one very cute girl,” the toad sannin remarked.

Though the reprimand stopped her from finishing her sentence and she found herself silently agreeing with the pervert on that one neither did anything to soften the decidedly murderous glare she threw Jiraiya’s way. Tsunade was mad, very mad but instead of doing the usual and pummeling him into the ground like he so rightly deserved she held her hand out and demanded, “Fork it over.”

“Fork what over?” he asked in return, inwardly grateful for the reprieve and thanking the lucky stars he was still alive.

She narrowed her eyes and through gritted teeth muttered, “The money the senile geezer gave you for Naruto-chan since it’s obvious he’ll probably end up neglected and forgotten the moment a pretty face takes your fancy.”

“As appose to being sold off to settle your gambling debts.”

“Jiraiya,” she bit out angrily, steely eyes promising a slow and very painful death. “Hand it over or I’ll make sure that peeping will be the only thing you’ll be able to do, EVER.”

Suddenly fearful for his boys at the underlying threat the toad sannin grudgingly handed over the sack of coins. The moment he did honey brown eyes instantly sparkled in merriment. She smirked before pocketing the bundle while her dejected looking apprentice sighed in what sounded like resignation.

“Hehe, off to the machines I go,” the blonde cheerily said.

“That’s supposed to go to supplies for the brat, not your gambling habit,” Jiraiya instantly protested, never mind the fact it would probably go elsewhere in his possession anyway.

“Or to fund your ventures into the whorehouses,” she snapped sharply. “At least this way there’s a chance of doubling it.”

“Heh, doubling, more like losing it all."

Shizune let out a weary sigh as the two sannins continued to bicker before finally deciding to revert to petty name calling. She looked down at the wide eyed and clearly fascinated baby in her arms and quietly whispered, “Don’t worry Naru-chan. I’ll make sure there’s at least enough left for formula and diapers.”

Naruto: Fatherhood (1/?)

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 08:56:47 GMT

Title: Fatherhood
Rating: PG
Genre: General
Pairing: Implied manyxNaruto
Summary: As the Fourth Hokage he had many duties but none more important than protecting the innoccence of his only son. Especially from the perverts, admirers and fanclub hell bent on corrupting his little Naruto.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.

As the Hokage he had many responsibilities, ones that he took very seriously. His decisions didn't just affect him after all. It affected everybody. So it was integral he did everything in his power to ensure the continued peace of the village, even if it meant sacrificing his own life. No matter what the obstacle he would never back down. No, not he, one who had faced off against the legendary Kyuubi and lived to tell the tale. The Fourth Hokage of Konoha was scared of nothing, absolutely nothing.

So why the hell was he suddenly shaking in his boots before the big blue eyes of his only son?

"Um... you see..." he all but stuttered, sounding much like a certain Hyuuga heiress around said boy.

Pausing he rubbed his temple slowly, trying to massage away the incoming migraine as his cerulean eyes glanced down to stare into the curious gaze of a blue so similar to his. He rubbed his chin in deep thought. There were two ways he could go with this. One, tell his son the truth or two, lie for all he was worth. Although the latter was looking more and more appealing by the second he knew he just couldn't do it. Not with chance that someone else might spill the truth to Naruto. He could stand many things, but to see disappointment in those eyes that had always looked up at him with so much trust and admiration was not one of them.

He gazed at his only son with the same kind of despair a father might direct at a daughter who'd just announced she was going on birth control. Not believing the day had finally come Yondaime silently cursed the gods above. For this was the day Naruto asked him the one dreaded question all father's feared, the question he'd been putting off answering until his son was well into his late twenties. Of course, that was wishful thinking on his part. He was actually surprised it took this long but then again he had planned it that way. Oh yes, while going about his everyday duties as Hokage he had added another personal duty to his already full list, one he'd taken more seriously than anything else on his agenda and was still carrying on with even till this day. And that duty was keeping his innocent Naruto exactly as he was, completely innocent. Of course everything comes at a price and his constant coddling had resulted in the hyperactive child stuck within the body of the developing teen sitting before him, bouncing up and down impatiently.

"Yaoi is when..." Yondaime again tried, only to find himself trailing off once more. He swallowed hard. It was then something suddenly occurred to him. He raised a questioning brow and with a frown asked, "Naruto, why are you so interested all of a sudden?"

"Icha Icha Paradise; Yaoi Edition," was the only answer he received.

His eye twitched. With barely suppressed rage he grounded his teeth. There was no way in hell he was going to allow Naruto to remain under the guidance of his old student. Nor was he ever allowing Naruto to train with the perverted sannin he once called a teacher ever again. Whatever possessed him to let those two perverts into such positions of influence over his precious Naruro in the first place he would never know, but there was no way in all nine hells was he going to allow it to continue.

Not noticing the sudden build of murderous intent the clueless Naruto decided to fill the silence by saying, "Kakashi-sensei was practically bouncing off the walls when he saw a poster advertising the upcoming release of the book and when I went looking for Ero-sennin to train me he took me off to the bath house and get this, didn't try to peek at the ladies." He paused for a moment with somewhat of a frown, looking thoughtful as he silently contemplated something. "Actually it was quite strange... his eyes keep drifting around when we were in the men's change rooms like as if he was trying to peek on them. "

"Please tell me you used the stalls like I always tell you too," came the panicked plea.

The blond flashed a wide smile, nodding happily as he replied, "Of course I did. I even kept the towel around me just like you said." He tilted his head to one side as he carefully studied his father's anxious expression. "Though I don't know why I have too. It's not like anyone can see me in there and even if they did I have nothing they haven't seen before."

Yondaime slowly shook his head at his poor naive little boy who was obviously still oblivious to the happenings around him and especially to the true intentions of those so-called 'friends' of his. No, Naruto had no idea about those sly glances the Hyuuga kid would once too often direct at his bottom or the 'accidental' brushes the Uchiha always manages to find his hand having with said ass. Naruto had no idea and he was sure his innocent mind still thought all those times the Kazekage's youngest son would grab his legs with sand during a spar and somehow manage to tug his pants down just enough to reveal that same tush was just an unfortunate occurrence that seemed to happen about every single time.

Although those three were very troublesome indeed what was proving to be even more troublesome was the ever growing fan club his son was accumulating. The shy timid Hinata Hyuuga may be the president but there was nothing even remotely close to being shy about the adoration the club showed towards the clueless blonde. A vein almost popped at the reminder of their latest exploit, an exploit that resulted in the circulation of some pictures of a very naked Naruto in the bath house. Though he managed to burn most of the stash he knew there were still some going around and he was sure many of them were tucked safely away in the Uchiha and Hyuuga compound and of course the Suna's brat apartment.

It was cruel, just so cruel. When the news of a newborn son had reached his ears he'd been so relieved with the thought of not having to beat back lust driven males from corrupting his only child. Naruto was a boy after all. He was supposed to be the one doing the chasing, not the other way around. Right? Yondaime shook his head sadly. How he wrong he was, how very wrong indeed. He clenched his fists and closed his eyes tight at the thought of the three he'd so rightly dubbed unholy devils and the vicious club of demons lusting after his boy. There was no way he was going to allow them to soil the innocence of his baby and he just thought of the best way to ensure it never happen. Yes, he got the perfect plan. He snapped his eyes opened, stars shining in his intense gaze as he stared off distantly with his fist now held up in what looked like pure determination, too involved in his thoughts to notice that Naruto was slowly edging away from the horror of seeing his father doing an imitation of Gai-sensei.

"Are you okay?" the youth slowly asked. Afraid any sudden movements or sounds may cause an impromptu pose or even worst a teeth sparkle, Naruto remained absolutely still.

"Absolutely fine," came the way too enthusiastic response, causing the younger blond to cringe and jump behind the sofa while his father hopped up with a grin wide enough to rival his trademark foxy grin. He smiled down at the cowering youth, ruffling up his hair as he said, "Sorry Naruto but I have a very important meeting I must attend to straight away."

Without another word Yondaime rushed to the front door in a blur of yellow and white.

"Wha..." was all that came from the young boy as he blinked stupidly at the still swinging door. He shot to his feet, running to the door to swing an angry fist after the quickly disappearing figure jumping from roof to roof as he yelled, "You still haven't answered my question!"

"Go ask Iruka," came the answering yell that seemed to echo all throughout the town.

Naruto lowered his clenched fists and silently stared down at it, a suddenly thoughtful look on his face.

"Iruka," he quietly said, allowing a single finger to straighten. He paused for a moment before releasing another and saying quietly to himself, "Plus talk equals free ramen."

His fists clenched once more but instead of continuing its damning of his fleeing father he pumped it in the air with a grin.

"Yosh, free ramen for me," Naruto chirpily said to himself before going on his merry little way to harass his old teacher. Never knowing all that he was going to get was an extremely confusing talk about the bees and well, the bees from an incoherently stuttering and blushing Iruka.

Next Chapter

Hey!

adorkablenerd@gmail.com — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 07:15:08 GMT

Not sure if anyone's going to read this but I want to do a little intro post anyway. I'm not quite sure what this journal is going to be about yet but I'll definitely be posting a lot of my stories on here as well as some of my crappy artwork. This of course, can be found in amongst all my future rants. Most of my stories will probably be Naruto or Queer as Folk fanfiction. I might also slip in an original fiction or two. And yeah, that's about it I guess.